Pasijuokim ir pralinksmėkim

To open the secret entrance to the cave, try left-left-up-left-down-down-right-left then a-y-y-x-b-a and then hold the d-pad down while clicking y-y-b-b. Press start twice, and you will get in.

Me: ”I will create a login box on your website. Once someone registers and logs in, the website will recognize who the user is and provide relevant content.”

Client: ”That sounds great. However, instead of a login box I’d like to use biometrics to identify the user.”

Me: ”Not sure what you mean.”

Client: ”When someone visits the website, I want them to be able to put their hand on the monitor. The monitor will then scan their hand to confirm who they are. I think that would be a lot more engaging. How much extra would that functionality cost?”

Me: ”Several hundred million dollars.”

Client: Why are you being a wiseass? Can you do it or not?

Me: ”No. Sorry. That’s a little too advanced.”

Client: ”Fine. I’ll try another web designer.”

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Back story: this was a redesign to add a product directory to a magazine website.

Client: ”I want you to bury all the links for the magazine at the bottom of the page.”

Me: “Wait, you don’t want them in the nav bar? At all?”

Client: “No, I want the product guide to be the only thing that matters.”

Me: ”What happens if someone comes to the site to subscribe to the magazine?”

Client: “Fuck ‘em.”

A year later, the magazine folded.

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Client: “I want a great corporate logo that looks like a Fortune 500 company’s logo.”

Me: “Okay, I can do that. I bill at $XX an hour.”

Client: “Well I guess just don’t spend more than a few minutes on it.”

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Client: “I would like to have our home page come up with some information in a hockey puck that flies around the screen. I’d like the user to have to chase the puck with a hockey stick for a cursor and whack it to let them in the site.”

Me: “I’m going to do everything in my power to talk you out of doing that.”

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Client: “What’s that paint software you are using at the moment”

Me: “It’s called Photoshop CS4, and it’s more than just some paint software!”

Client: “Could you make me a copy of it for my 6 year old son to mess around on? He does likes painting”

Me: “Er… no, that’s piracy and it’s licenced to me and my company”

Client: “I’ll provide you with a disc”

Me: “…I really can’t do that”

Client: “Maybe I’ll reconsider your final fee”

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Client: ”I want you to put the search box at the bottom of my website. I’m tired of all those websites that have them at the top, it’s way too ‘in your face’. I want my visitors to really want to search.”

Me: ”Umm..you want them to search for the search box?”

Client: ”Exactly.”